Before I begin, I’d like to say that Nelson was a very clever and convincing person. He was downright manipulative. He had everyone convinced – not just me, but everyone in my life and those online, too. I don’t think I can properly explain how he achieved this, but I’m hoping as I tell you more about him, and since you now know where I came from and who I was then, you might be able to understand how it all happened. All posts after this one should hopefully clarify even more, too.
One thing that pain inspires is creative expression. I wrote a lot of poetry. When I got my mobile phone with internet access, I joined MySpace in order to write my poetry online. I was too angry of a person to admit it, but I secretly still desired human connection, too. I joined MySpace and used the blog section to write my poetry and express myself. That’s how I met Nelson.
I’d seen Nelson’s comments on someone’s blog and his words were positive and inspiring. I truly needed some positivity and inspiration, so I sent him a friend request. It didn’t take him long to reach out to me and offer to listen. It was, after all, fairly clear in my writing that I was “troubled” at best.
So, there I was mentally unstable and at the worst point in my life, hiding away from the world in my mother’s hoarded home, alone, completely hopeless and directionless, broken inside from abuses and betrayals, and very angry and hateful. I figured it couldn’t hurt to talk to some random person on the internet.
Upon Nelson’s request and encouragement (at times persistence, even), I let it all out. I told him about my issues like bipolar disorder, the abuses, and even my cat who still needed medical help that I couldn’t afford. I told him about all the doctors and therapists I’d seen and how none of them had helped. I told him about my living situation and how miserable the broken down place was. The only thing I didn’t tell him about was my mother. I left out anything negative about my mother because 1) I thought it was my fault, and 2) I didn’t want him thinking poorly of my mother.
I had no idea who Nelson was. I found out later while reading his blogs that he was a celebrity. Now, I have never in my life been the type of person who pays any attention to celebrities. It’s not that I dislike them, but rather that I think they’re human and they don’t deserve to have their lives scrutinized constantly by the media. I paid so little attention to celebrity news or gossip that I didn’t even recognize the actor Nelson was claiming to be. That was a bit embarrassing. He was very famous and I didn’t know who he was.
I thought it was pretty cool that I, some meaningless person in the woods, had a chance to talk to a celebrity and get to know the real person instead of the gossip spread in the tabloids. I made the mistake of telling my mother about this. She immediately pointed out that he had money, and she reasoned in her mind that he ought to pay for my needs (such as my mental health needs which are quite costly even with insurance). I got very angry. I said he was my friend, that I do not use people, especially not my friends. I said I would not ask him for anything beyond friendship and if he offered anything else, I would refuse.
Well, it didn’t take him long to offer assistance, and yes, I refused. He insisted and literally fought with me until I finally gave in. I tried telling him that if he “really” wanted to help me, he could help me get medical attention for my cat. He roped me in by agreeing to get help for my cat only if I accepted help for myself as well.
Nelson said that he could locate proper doctors and resources to help me, and eventually even help me find a place to live that was affordable and would allow my cats. Over time his offers grew. He was going to get me a place to live and a job that I could get to, mental health assistance, and medical treatment for my cat. That grew into an offer to set me up in a facility in New York that would teach me life skills and help me with my severe bipolar issues, a vet nearby that would care for my cats while I stayed in the facility, an apartment and a good job in New York after I got out of the facility, and even a college education. Out of everything, the very best thing that he offered me was family. He offered to make me a part of his family. This was all much later into our friendship, but he said that he felt like I was a sister to him. He said he cared about me.
Months passed. Months turned into a year, and still he had not helped me in the ways he said he would. All the while his offers would grow bigger and bigger. He didn’t understand that it was overwhelming to me to be offered all this stuff. I tried many times to get out of it and just have his friendship and nothing more, but he wouldn’t allow that.
Nelson was full of excuses. He had an excuse for everything. He would say he was coming the next week, but then when the time came he would suddenly be “ill” or his flight would be grounded due to storms or there would be a complication with something to do with my cats (the vet wasn’t available, etc.) or he would be previously detained with some career-related obligation. He was also very intelligent and knowledgeable about legal matters which I knew nothing of.
The whole thing grew into a huge, complicated, legal mess. Nothing was simple. He couldn’t just come get me. He couldn’t just simply get my cat and take him to a vet. In fact, he claimed my cat needed a specialist, and I didn’t know any better. I actually didn’t even know the name of what was wrong with my cat because my vet had only told me the “dumbed-down” version in order to help me understand.
Throughout all of this, my relationship with my mother deteriorated drastically. She fought with me and guilted me constantly. She didn’t seem to understand that it was not my choice to rely on her to support me. I was an adult and I should have been living on my own and supporting myself. Well, I agreed with that, but I was mentally unstable and I had no choice. I didn’t have a car because my mother had sold it to someone when I moved down south, so I had no way to get to a job even I could get mentally stable enough to work. I was living in the woods where public transportation does not exist (no buses, trains or taxis). Nothing was walking distance, and I can walk for miles.
The trailer I was living in began to fall apart even more. Everything broke. Heaters broke in the winter, air conditioners broke in the summer, my stove broke, the oven broke, the toilet broke, doors broke, walls crumbled, etc. My water heater broke so I was left with burning-hot water when it was turned on or ice-cold water when I shut it off, but never both hot and cold water. I lost electricity on several occasions, often because the bill didn’t get paid. I went without food and necessities whenever my mother got angry at me. My stepfather threatened to call the police and have me forcefully removed because he and my mother were sick of supporting me. We all fought relentlessly. It was terrible.
Oh and one of the worst things of all was that in all the time that I’d been living there, I had no way to get rid of my trash. There is no trash pickup in the woods. People have to take their trash to the dump, which is impossible to do without a vehicle. My parents would take their trash to the dump, but not mine. I don’t really know why it was such a problem since they had to drive by my place on their way to the dump. My trash accumulated quickly, especially with the cats and their litter boxes. I refused to literally live in trash, so I angrily threw it all outside. I didn’t have anywhere else to put it, so it piled up in a spot in the yard. It’s much like living on a landfill site.
I surely would have preferred to live on the streets if not for my cats. I had to stay where I was because you cannot be homeless with pets. Even though my cats are “my babies” I was very glad they weren’t actually babies. I’d had a pregnancy scare when I first went down south, but thankfully I either wasn’t pregnant at all or I miscarried very early on. If I’d been pregnant then, this whole thing would have been so much worse. I wouldn’t have kept the baby, though. I would have wanted to keep it, but I would have had to give it up for its own sake, obviously. I did make sure that my cats never once went without food. I learned to tell my mother I needed cat food long before I actually ran out, just in case she got mad at me and decided not to buy it.
I resorted to begging Nelson to follow through with his offers of help. I couldn’t take living in that situation much longer, and he’d dragged this on for so long. I asked him to at least come get my cats and place them somewhere safe so that I could try to find a homeless shelter. He insisted that he would come through for me and help me and my pets. He knew I had no one else to help me, that he was my only hope.
I don’t even remember how I finally learned about this, but I discovered that I had a small investment somewhere that I hadn’t known about because my mother was managing it. It was only about $1000, but it was something. I insisted that my mother take me to have it liquidated. I made the mistake of telling Nelson about it and asking his advice in how to spend it. I knew I wasn’t good with money and I didn’t know if he’d be getting me or if I should use it to take my cat straight to the vet. He promised he’d get me soon and told me to pocket it and not spend it.
Then he contacted me one day and said that he could have me and my pets out in four days if I could pay the travel fees for the cats. He said it was some legal requirement that the fees be paid by the owner. All my red flags went up and warning bells rang, but I was so incredibly desperate. I didn’t have anyone else to consult on the matter either. I wired the money to him.
Then I waited. And waited. And waited.
He never came, of course. He gave me all of his usual excuses. He berated me for being angry. He accused me of not appreciating everything he was doing for me. He accused me of being selfish and not caring about him or his life.
I finally realized that I had once again trusted someone and once again had been betrayed and let down. I was also once again completely alone and directionless.
It was really hard to admit that I misread someone again and gotten myself into another messed up situation.