My Story, Part Eight- Nelson’s Lessons

By this point I’ve told you most of the bad that’s happened in my life and most of the bad about Nelson. Now it’s finally time to get to the good news.

 

Nelson helped me in more ways than I can probably express properly here, none of which being the ways that he said he would. 

As you now know, I was a complete disaster of a person when I met him- angry, hateful, damaged, incredibly mentally/emotionally unstable. Children often learn what they live. I fell right in to that category in many aspects. I lashed out at people (verbally) when I was upset, just like my mother. I didn’t know how to handle my emotions or life’s stresses at all. I had no motivation, no appreciation for life. 

Nelson taught me how to be stable. Many people know the things already that Nelson taught me, but I am bipolar and I had never known anyone but abusers. These things seem like common sense, but I truly needed someone to show me (not just tell me, either). Nelson pushed me to get eight full hours of sleep each night and remain on a consistent schedule, explaining that especially for someone with bipolar disorder it is an essential part of living and being stable. He pushed me to eat full, healthy meals every day, explaining that even a normal person can become unstable without a proper diet.

He also told me that I would never, ever be able to manage my disorder without life-long medication. Now, one thing about me is if someone tells me that I can’t do something I want to do, I will find a way. I had been on many different medications, and I’d even been in a mental hospital being monitored on medications, and each one had terrible side effects for me that created an intense fear of being medicated. Because of Nelson’s insistence, I began researching bipolar disorder and the ways to control it without medication. You need proper sleep, diet, routine, exercise, and you need a support system in place. Those are the main things. I’ve never had a support system, but I could do all the rest. 

I was still struggling with my eating disorder, but I no longer wanted to indulge it. I decided that my mental health and stability was far more important to me than being thin. I learned to enjoy food, and I found that I absolutely loved health food. I realized that I would not get fat by eating full, healthy meals every day (and even if I did, I decided I didn’t care). When my scale broke, I decided not to get a new one. I would eat healthily, focus on my mental health and stability, and not become obsessed with the numbers on a scale. 

I began doing yoga and walking in the mornings. I learned how to relax and go to bed by a decent hour, and I realized that I actually enjoyed my mornings when I’d had a good night’s sleep. Nelson had me going to bed and waking up at the same time every night and day. 

Having no job and no social life made me feel quite useless. I expressed my feelings to Nelson and he said that he could use my company every morning online at 9am because that was when he was having chemo. I have no clue if the real person behind “Nelson” actually had cancer or not. Either way, he gave me a small sort of purpose and made me feel like it actually mattered if I got up in the morning. 

Since I was so emotionally damaged, I was truly in need of more intensive therapy than a mere one-hour visit with a therapist once a week. Nelson talked to me every single day for hours on end. He gave me advice and guidance in past and current matters. He told me that I was worth something, that the abuses I’d encountered were in fact abuses and not my fault or deserved. When things got worse with my mother, I finally confided in him about how she treated me. He told me that she should not talk to me that way or treat me the way she did. He said that I didn’t deserve it, even if I was mentally unstable and difficult to get along with at times. He said that I had potential and could do something meaningful with my life- I had value. He pointed out my good qualities and called me out on my bad behavior. He didn’t take my bullsh*t and he made me see when I was acting like a child. He was harsh, sometimes more than necessary, but it helped me learn to think before I spoke or acted. 

Nelson was a hypocrite, but he preached a very real message. He taught me how to appreciate life no matter what my circumstances were. He showed me my own strength, and through that I learned how to access it. His thoughts and words may have held no personal meaning for him, may not have even been his own, but they were exactly what I needed to hear. 

Nelson and I spoke extensively about philosophy, religion, positivity and negativity. I didn’t agree with every single thing he said or every opinion he had, but he helped me form my own perspectives and opinions in all things. He insisted that his beliefs were always the true and right ones, but he never tried to make me have the same ones. He encouraged me to have my own opinions based on my knowledge and experiences, and he accepted when I disagreed with him. 

Nelson gave me courage to face my fears, coping mechanisms to handle my unstable emotions and stress, and a love for life to keep me happy. 

It was incredibly painful to realize that Nelson was a fraud and I had been hurt and betrayed again. However, I was faced with the choice to break down and give up on life like I always had in the past, or to utilize all of the tools that he had given me and know that I would be okay. I chose not to let all that time with him go to waste. I chose to appreciate the beautiful world we all live in and trust that there are plenty of people out there who will not hurt me, who will value me and someday love me. I chose to give back to my friends and anyone I meet what he gave to me, except that when I do it will always be from my heart and not from a selfish place of gaining something from them. 

I am stable now, I am free of medication (although I will say that I know perfectly well that medication is the right answer for many people), I am happy and I know that no matter what life throws my way, I am strong and I can handle it. 

I don’t regret for a moment meeting Nelson and being scammed by him. I kind of wish he hadn’t taken my money, but do you know how expensive therapy is? I would have paid a lot more for therapy from a real therapist. I am so grateful for everything I went through with Nelson. I am a completely different person today, and it truly is because of Nelson. 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “My Story, Part Eight- Nelson’s Lessons

    • Thank you. To be honest, I’ve struggled quite a bit with the fact that the only person who ever told me that they cared and saw my worth (until my current relationships) was a liar and a con-artist. I’m glad I have relationships now that fulfill me and are genuine.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s