Not Okay

Behind this smile is a broken heart. 

“I’m okay” is a lie. 

The laughter you hear is fake. 

The socialization you see is forced. 

If you look closely, you’ll see the spark in my eye has faded. 

I know when everyone leaves and I am alone, I’ll cry. 

No one will hear my pain at night. 

I’ll smile and act normal throughout the day. 

Once in a while a tear may escape from behind my sunglasses. 

But if I’m lucky, no one will notice before it’s quickly wiped away. 

A friend said that for everything you lose, you gain something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else. 

Perhaps that’s true, especially the last part. 

I’ve gained so much recently, perhaps I’ve lost something now to even it out somehow. 

I don’t want to let anyone in right now. 

I don’t want to talk about it in depth. 

I don’t even want to accept it. 

But still, behind this smile will be a broken heart. 

And I thought maybe someone should know… 

I’m not okay. 


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