A Month

For the last month I have been living in a sort of limbo with my girlfriend. I haven’t known if she still wanted to pursue a future with me or if it was just too hard with our distance. She was afraid to commit to me because of the possibility that none of our plans could ever work out, and the pain that it would cause.

She broke up with temporarily a month ago, and then she announced that it was permanent the other day.

I really can’t imagine my life without her. I’ve never loved someone so deeply before; never even knew I could. I really didn’t know what I’d do without her in my life. I can’t even fathom dating someone else, now or in the future. I’ve been hurt before and each hurt breaks a person a little more than the last. It’s not easy letting someone get that close to you. I was very worried that I would become a cold and closed off person if I lost just one more thing.

I called her last night, upon her request. She was having a bad day and wanted to talk. I’ve always let her know that I’m here for her in whatever capacity she wants. We talked about what was bothering her, then we talked about us.

After a very long and very emotional discussion, things are finally back to normal between us. She explained her fears and reservations, but confirmed that she still loved me and wanted to be with me.

Just when I was about to accept that things were over between us, she came back to me. I held out for a month waiting patiently for her to give me a definitive answer. Then she did, and it wasn’t the one I wanted. I’m so glad I could call her last night. I can’t always call. I called to listen, not to talk. Certainly not to talk about us. It came up, though, and I let it all out when she asked. I’m so glad we got to talk. Sadly, all of this in the last month was mainly a miscommunication that could have been avoided.

The best thing I’ve heard in a month… “Will you be my girlfriend again?

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