Hoarder Mother

I’ve been getting so many views from people referred by hoarding sites lately. I greatly appreciate the refers and the interest. I want to express my gratitude and make sure that you all know that your interest is appreciated.

I always feel guilty writing about my mother and her hoarding tendencies. I still can’t forgive my mother for all she’s done wrong in my life. I spend most of my time focusing on my life and the positive aspects of it.

I talk to my mother once in a while, less often than a daughter should. I did tell her about my recent medical issues and my trip to the hospital.

Before I moved here, I was living in my mother’s mess with no transportation and no income. I had no way to get a job, no way to get basic necessities from the store when I needed them. I was completely reliant on my mother for all my needs.

I’m free now. I live in my own place. I have a job. There are several stores walking distance from my house. Best of all, I have trash pick up and no longer live with garbage piling up.

Let me tell you, karma is a b*tch.
My mother’s car broke down the week that I moved out. She has been milking unemployment for over a year and they have cut her income in half. She refused to look for a job while she had the chance, so she’s now stuck with no job, no transportation and she is completely reliant on her friend. I bet her trash is piling up around her, as well as her hoard. Our situations have basically switched. She is getting a taste of what it was like for me over the last several years before I moved here.

When I told my mother about my possible heart condition, she offered to come stay with me. Everyone else thinks she’s being nice. Naturally she knows how to seem caring and selfless. Truth is, though, she just wants to come stay in a nice clean place with free food and things to do. She told me that she pulled a muscle in her back and she’s “gimpy” at the moment. Other people feel sorry for her, but I read that and immediately I see her trying to come here and be taken care of.

Not a chance in hell would I let her come stay with me while I’m sick. I can barely take care of myself and my pets let alone her. I wish she was the type of mother who actually would come stay here and help me, but she’s not. She would spend her time shopping and hoarding my house; complaining about her back and her miserable life. I can’t handle it. I know her too well. She wouldn’t help me clean up the house and take care of the cats. She wouldn’t help me cook meals and keep things neat and organized. It would be a big pity party for her and an opportunity to buy more stuff and mess up my place with her junk.

This is a hoarding parent, in my experience. My friends would be judging me for being hard on my “poor mother” when she’s in pain with a pulled muscle and living such a “rough life.” No one would get that she chose the situation she’s in. No one would see through her manipulative manner. My heart can’t handle her. She’s not as caring and kind as she seems.

My mother has always used other people to vacation. She goes to someone’s house and mooches off of them while shopping and collecting more for her hoard back home. I can’t allow that here. Especially not while I’m ill.

I’m sure there are other children of hoarders who experience this with their parents.

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2 thoughts on “Hoarder Mother

  1. I’m sure that’s very hard on the both of you.
    But with enough back-bone, this could be your chance to help her while she helps you. I’m sure you tried to tell her that if she stays, there will be no hoarding and there would be chores to do, but maybe give it another shot. That is YOUR place and she is a GUEST therefore there are rules to abide. You could offer that she stays BUT NO hoarding whatsoever and she must help clean, cook and not just sit around and mooch. You could set the laws down sharply by saying if she breaks one rule, she’s out and you mean it.
    Is that possible?
    Of course, I’ve never met a hoarder so that was just a thought, but surely you’ve already tried that, haven’t you?
    Forgive me, I only wish to help.

    I hope all is well.

    • I would certainly be willing to try that again “after” I’m better. I can’t handle the stress right now. Any time I’ve tried anything like that with her, all it does is stress me out because she fights with me constantly. In a hoarding situation, the children are commonly the “adults” of every situation. I can’t parent an adult child right now. She could literally put me back in the hospital.

      I’ve realized since moving that the largest source of my stress has always been my mother, and now that I’m away from her I feel immensely better, calmer. Any time I do get stressed, my symptoms get worse. So having her here while I’m still going through whatever medical thing this is would be bad. I’ll have her visit when I’m better. Sadly I don’t think enough time has passed yet for me to want her around. I hate saying that, but it’s the truth. I love her, but I need a little more time.

      Don’t take it the wrong way! I definitely appreciate your suggestions, always! 🙂
      Thank you so much for reading and commenting and trying to help. 🙂
      When I can handle her visiting, I will definitely take your advice!

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