As life gets stressful and I lose control over certain aspects of it, I find myself turning to old habits as a crutch of comfort and familiarity. Lately, my crutch of choice is that old eating disorder.
I find myself unhappy with what I see when I look at myself, but I know it doesn’t actually have much to do with my appearance. If I weren’t so stressed and depressed, I wouldn’t be unhappy with my appearance. Recognizing this is beneficial in preventing a relapse.
This is going to sound a bit… mystical, I suppose, but I don’t really mean it that way. It almost seems as though the universe is trying to tell me not to give in to my desires to indulge in old disordered eating habits. Each time I’ve been on that brink, ready to give in and jump off, I’ve been called on to help someone else with an eating disorder.
In trying to comfort and advise my friends in their eating disorder struggles, I’m forced to consider my own advice. I can’t be the hypocrite who suggests to others ways of managing an eating disorder, then turns around and indulges in one myself.
It’s funny how these things work out. I now have one friend who I can talk to about the eating disorder issues without fear of lack of understanding or someone having a relapse.
Life is so good. Everything always works out.