Connection and Understanding

I don’t think people ever truly connect or understand each other.
What a sad truth… or just a simple fact.

Language was developed as a desperate attempt to express a thought. Since the time of the very first human beings who inhabited the earth, we have grown into a society who want to connect on a deeper level. We all desire understanding from our peers.

At first, I imagine language was used mainly to express necessities such as food or danger. Now we use language to express emotions that really go far beyond mere words. Perhaps in several thousand more years we will have better ways to communicate that which we’re thinking and feeling on a whole new level.

Until we develop new methods, we have only the words that we know and the methods that we’re currently using. These things don’t seem to be sufficient.

I could tell you that I’m in love. I could make it sound pretty with eloquent structure of words. You wouldn’t truly understand, though. You can’t feel what I’m feeling. And for all you know, I could just be a writer who isn’t even in a relationship, let alone in love.
I could tell you that I’m hurting. I could express it in such a way that you think you emphasize with my pain. I could cry and you might feel for me. You wouldn’t really understand, though. You haven’t experienced what it is to be “me.”

I meet people sometimes who seem to understand me better than most. I can talk to them and feel like we’re connecting on a deep level of understanding. Then one day there comes a time where nothing I say seems to reach them, and nothing they say seems to make sense to me.

Haven’t we all experienced this? You have a best friend or lover who knows you better than anyone else. They make sense to you and seem to understand and relate. Then one or both of you have a bad day and your words to each other seem to just miss each other.
I can almost see it when it happens. I’m talking to someone, they’re talking to me, but our words don’t reach each other. It’s like when you try to high-five someone multiple times and you miss each other’s hands, except with words. You keep trying, but for some reason you just can’t make that connection.




I could scream right now.
I’m so fed up with people that I could scream.

As some of you know, there is a group of Egyptian pilots staying at the hotel while they go to flight school here. They’re messy, as are most young college guys, but they’re nice. They are typical college guys, except they’re polite.

Today we had pest control come in to spray their rooms for bugs. I had to go with him to make sure nothing went wrong. The pilots always have a lot of electronics sitting out, such as laptops. We didn’t want anything to happen to their belongings.

As I took him to each room, it became more and more apparent that he was blatantly racist.

I get it; I really do. We were attacked as a country by terrorists. That’s not something anyone can just forget. I honestly do understand.

However…. It is never acceptable to make racists comments, especially in front of people.

One of our Egyptian guests was sleeping in his room. He didn’t reply even when we opened the door. I know the guy. He never replies. He just ignores you because he doesn’t want to get out of bed. He was probably up half the night partying like any other typical college guy.

I told him that I was allowing the pest control man into the room to spray for bugs. He didn’t reply, which I expected, but I know he was awake and heard me. The pest control man says “I don’t know about this… What if he has a gun under there and he pulls it out and shoots me?!”

I couldn’t freaking believe that he said that. In front of my guest, no less. All I could say was “I know these guys; they’re nice guys. I clean their rooms every day. They are nice guys.”

I’m seriously sick of people right now. Comments like that hurt. Ignorance hurts.

My Thanksgiving and the Families

My brother came all the way from Maryland to see me for Thanksgiving. That made me very happy. I had such a great time with him. Unfortunately his wife couldn’t make it. I hadn’t seen my brother since January of this year. He arrived on Wednesday and stayed until Friday afternoon.

April’s family arrived Thursday morning. Her older brother showed up drunk with two beers in hand. He was rude and a bit belligerent. Fortunately he sobered up as the day progressed and his good side came out. He clowned around and had everyone laughing. Her little sister was very sweet to me and everyone else, but not very friendly to April. Her mother and younger brother weren’t very friendly to April either.

My mother and stepfather weren’t too bad. My stepfather grabbed one of my cats by the tail at one point, but she was okay. I was enraged, but I vented out of sight of everyone. My mother stole money that someone gave her to give to me, and she didn’t get the desserts that she was supposed to bring, but it was fine. The only embarrassing thing that my mom did was bring out gifts for me that we’re covered in dirt and cobwebs because they’d been in her hoard for months. She waited until most people had left, though.

Now that the bad is out of the way….

I think it all turned out fairly well. The funniest thing that happened was when my stepfather was saying grace. Everyone was standing around the table, heads bowed and eyes closed. I just knew if no one was looking a cat would get into something, so I kept my eyes open. Sure enough, one of my cats jumped onto the table. She wasn’t trying to get into the food; she was just curious. She landed with her front paws on the edge of the cranberry sauce bowl and her back paws on the table. She looked like a question mark. I swept across the room and snatched her up so quickly she squeaked. Everyone laughed.

There’s a movie that I like to watch every November called “Pieces of April.” The main character, April, is the misfit of her family. She hosts Thanksgiving one year and tries so hard to impress her family, but everything goes wrong. I’ve always known that that would be how my first Thanksgiving would go. I was right, and just like in the movie it all worked out.

My turkey was still frozen Thursday morning. I didn’t have a clue how to cook most things. I ended up having to leave my roommate in charge of a couple things and she overcooked them. We didn’t have a table big enough to seat everyone. On and on. But in the end, it really did all work out and it was pretty nice.

It was especially funny that my cat jumped on the table right where the cranberry sauce was because that was the dish I was most proud of. I made it from scratch. I’m sure most of you don’t eat cranberry sauce out of a can, but my family and April’s family had never had real cranberry sauce. My favorite part of the movie “Pieces if April” was when a neighbor asks April if she has cranberry sauce and April drops it out of the can with a loud “shloop.” The neighbor says “Oh no, no honey.” Then she helps her make real cranberry sauce. That really would have been me had I never seen the movie. It would have been a hilarious disaster if my cat had actually jumped “into” the bowl of cranberry sauce. I’m so glad she didn’t!

Two of my friends stopped by to meet my family, which really meant a lot to me. To have friends who will take time out of their own holiday to come to my house for a little while and meet my family was just so wonderful.

I would say my Thanksgiving was stressful, comical and nice. I enjoyed seeing my family, and no one overstayed their welcome. I got to celebrate with my best friends and my relatives. I’m especially glad that my brother came. April even said she was a bit jealous of my relationship with my brother, but not in a bad way. She said my brother is really cool and she’s so happy for me that we’re close enough that he would come all this way just to see me.

Between April and I, I think we epitomize the meaning of “dysfunctional family.” Haha. I also think we pulled off a pretty impressive holiday for what we were working with. We were both proud.

Happy belated Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope everyone’s holiday was wonderful!

Impossible Women

I’ve deduced that I only go after impossible women.

Exhibit A: Stella- The first female relationship I had. She was moving to another state when we started seeing each other. I knew it. Our relationship didn’t even last long enough to count.

Exhibit B: Sarah- Female relationship number two. She was Canadian, only visiting Florida. We lasted the summer until she returned to Canada.

Exhibit C: Mel- My Australian love. Most know how that went from my other blog. For those of you who don’t, it was an online relationship of video-chatting, emailing, texting and calling. I don’t even know if a friendship is left of it.

Exhibit D: My current interest. She’s seeing someone else. She only likes me as a friend, and worst of all… I think I’m on my way to hindering our friendship with my feelings for her.

Clearly I need to branch out to available and accessible women.

Thanksgiving: A Time of Gratitude and Family

My brother is coming for Thanksgiving. I’m very excited to see him. Unfortunately his wife won’t be able to make it because she has to work. I wish she could come, too, but at least my brother is coming. I haven’t seen him in ten months.

My mother and stepfather are coming, too. I’m very nervous to have them here. I want it to be good, but I’m scared that I’m going to have issues with my mother especially. I’m extremely anxious about all that I have to do before everyone’s arrival. I have so much cooking, cleaning and preparation to do.

It still hurts that my ex isn’t coming from Australia. Then again, a lot of things hurt with her.

My mother’s friend, DeAnna, is coming. I’m looking forward to seeing her. She’s a wonderful person.

April’s family is coming. I’m anxious about them, too. I don’t like them. They’ve treated April like shit her whole life. I don’t know why she wants them here, but I’m having my parents who haven’t been the greatest to me either.

What is it with family, parents especially? Are they all lousy? At this point in time, I don’t have a single friend whose parents are decent. Maybe Jessica’s mother isn’t too bad.

I’m so scared that I can’t pull this off. I feel like April in the movie “Pieces of April.” I’m going to get recipes from Pearline today. I don’t really know what I’m doing. My house isn’t clean enough. I have laundry to do for guests and no washing machine. We have to use paper plates because we don’t have enough dishes. We don’t have enough places for people to sleep and we have hard flooring, no carpets. I feel like I haven’t prepared enough for this holiday. What if I mess up the turkey? Why did we decide to make ham, too? I’ve never cooked a ham. I’ve never even had one. What was I thinking? What is the whole holiday is a disaster? April and I want to impress our families. Why? Not sure. But we do.

Sigh. I’m going to really buckle down over the next few days after work.

Wish me luck!!

Gratitude- 11/18/12

• Coffee- I can’t wait for December, because hot coffee with milk just tastes better around Christmastime.

• My cats- When I wasn’t feeling well yesterday after work, Barrik purred in my face for an hour. Haha. He even licked my face.

• Friendship- April has proven time and time again that she and I will be best friends for life. Erika is such a great friend, and so very much fun to be around. Kay… is amazing. I can’t express my gratitude to her enough.

• Work- I love my job, and even more now with the promotion.

• My coworkers- Some of them have really stepped up to help me in my new position, and I appreciate them so much.

• The government- All faults aside, I have to appreciate the government for the help that I’ve received. I was just approved for food stamps. They even put a rush on mine so I could get them immediately.

• My bike- Two miles to work isn’t much on a bike, but I wouldn’t want to walk it twice a day. I love my bike.

• Autumn- I am absolutely loving this cold weather. I don’t overheat at work anymore, nor on the ride to work.

• Kay- She deserves her own section right now. Kay is always there for me, and she never fails to express her appreciation when I’m there for her.