Beautiful Day

I had a beautiful day yesterday!

I got called out of work, which is bad for the paycheck, but I was thrilled. I’d had so many things that I’d wanted to do around the house, and I got to do them because I didn’t have to work.

Our neighbor moved out a couple weeks ago and she left us some pieces of furniture and paintings. April and I haven’t had enough time when we’re both home to move the furniture inside together. We finally found some time to move one piece in, but not set it up. I decided I could slide it on my own once it was inside.

Our kitchen isn’t tiny, but it’s not huge either. We don’t have a lot of counter space. Our neighbor left us a sort of bookcase thing that when turned on its side serves as a portable counter and storage device. I moved it into the kitchen yesterday and filled all the compartments with our packaged foods and kitchen gadgets. I also hung a small shelf on the wall that works nicely as a spice rack. And I hung a picture of New York on the wall.

I secured a beautiful beach scene painting in the bathroom and an abstract tree painting in the foyer. The bathroom painting lights up when the sun shines in because I hung it over the top half of the window. It’s lovely.

I decided to see if I could drag the love seat in by myself, and I discovered that I could! I rearranged the living room.

April and I had been discussing Christmas and our desire to decorate. We’re too tight on money right now to really do anything for the holiday, sadly. I irresponsibly decided to go ahead and take a few bucks over to the thrift store and see if I could find some Christmas decorations anyway. I thought it was also a good time to return the two DVD players that we had purchased that didn’t work with our TV.

When I got there, the owner said he could give me store credit for the DVD players. We had paid $15 for them. I eagerly agreed.

I scoured the store for Christmas decorations and found quite a selection. Most of the things I found were not priced, but the man told me to gather whatever I thought was $15 worth, and then get some more. He said the extra would be to compensate my trouble of having to return three times over a DVD player.

I was elated!

In addition to some wonderful Christmas decor, I also got some decorative pillows for our couches and a gorgeous pair of stilettos. I admittedly love shoes! This pair was priced $30 at Charlotte Russe.
The store clerk also gave me a crate for my bike and some bungee cords to secure it with.

I excitedly went home and decorated the house with the Christmas things I got before April returned from work. It was a wonderful surprise for her. She loved it all.

I was glad that I didn’t have to spend any of my money since I really didn’t have any to spare. Plus, all of the things that I got were worth way more than $15. Those thrift store guys have been so great to me and April since the very first day we moved here.

Our place feels a little bit more like “home” now, and that is a wonderful feeling.

I’m sure all of this was pretty boring to read, haha, but thank you for reading anyway!

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The Beauty of Kay

I’ve been wanting to write about Kay; tell you all about her. Now is the time. 

 

Kay has blown my mind, set my spirit afire, and taught me things that I didn’t know I needed to learn. This is why I’ve fallen for her. 

She and I will not be together. I would surely jump at the opportunity, but she has lost friends in the past because attempted relationships with them have failed. Neither one of us want that to happen. 

 

Kay and I have grown so close that we can discuss virtually anything and everything without discomfort. She expresses thoughts, emotions and ideas that I’ve either never thought of or that I’ve never found quite the right words to express myself. Being with her feels like “home.” It feels safe. 

 

God it’s been so long since I’ve felt safe. 

 

Kay has shown me that I’m capable of connecting with someone other than my ex. Even though she and will never date, will never know what could have been between us beyond our friendship, I deeply appreciate everything that we have and everything that she has given me, shown me, and still is giving and showing me. 

 

I don’t know if Kay realizes how much she challenges me. She says sometimes she can’t keep up with my mind, but the truth is that most of the time she pushes the boundaries of my mind, and I like that- a lot. 

 

I also like that we can go out and she can just sing and dance and be real and alive in the moment. She can be silly and so much fun. She makes me laugh harder and more often than anyone else. She also make me think and feel on a level of depth beyond anyone else. 

 

Kay is amazingly gorgeous… She doesn’t even realize how natural her beauty is. She doesn’t need makeup or fancy clothes to enhance her beauty. She can be in sweatpants and a hoodie, no makeup, messed up hair, and she’s still beautiful. 

 

Yesterday, her mother and grandmother took photos of her for the holidays. I expected something different when she said “holiday photos.” I expected her and her family to get together and take photos. That’s not what happened. 

Kay spent hours getting dressed up and ready for the photos. She looked amazing. Her mother arrived and they all went outside. Her mother took photos of her in the yard and said that she would photoshop her into holiday family photos. 

I literally felt my heart break a little. Photoshop? Really? 

If that wasn’t enough, her grandmother and mother kept telling her that her smile was ugly and to smile “for real.” My heart broke again. 

Kay can be very silly, which I actually love, but there wasn’t anything wrong with the way she was smiling. 

I felt like her family didn’t accept and appreciate her as she is. It hurt me, for her. 

 

Kay is one of those people who has gone through life never fully being appreciated. She has endured much in her life, much more than anyone should, and she is stronger and more beautiful for it. I am so grateful to have met her, to know her, to have her in my life. I look forward to all the moment to come, all of the things she will teach me and reveal to me, all of the little things she does: especially all of those “ugly” smiles, because they’re amazing and I love them. 

Relationships

I have found myself falling irreparably for Kay. 

 

I’m trying so hard to be the friend and nothing more. Yet, as soon as she looks at me with those big brown eyes, framed by full black lashes… I’m done. 

 

I’m trying to look at the bright side. If nothing else, these feelings for Kay have at least shown me that I’m capable of healing from what happened with my ex (which still hurts more than I’d like to admit). She’s at least shown me that my ex wasn’t the only person in the world who is so special; who can find a place in my heart. 

 

Unfortunately now I’m stuck in the same situation: longing for someone who doesn’t want me. 

 

Kay is not just like my ex. She is her own person and I’m falling for her for different reasons. However, there are some similarities. Kay, like my ex, doesn’t see just how amazing she is. She doesn’t see all of the wonderful little things that make her so special. 

 

In all things, I have an eye for the details which most don’t notice. Perhaps this is part of it. 

 

I think I enjoy and value personality quirks in some people that others either don’t notice, don’t like or just take for granted. 

 

I have to go to work now, but I’m going to post more about this later. I need to get it out of my system.