Sex

Why are all things sex so uncomfortable for people?

Whether it is gender, sexual orientation or intercourse, it seems to make so many people uncomfortable. 

I have a friend who is transgender. She has transitioned from male to female. Her name is Sophie. 

I was interviewing a potential roommate who is a man. His name is Vinny. It was pretty clear from the beginning that he found me attractive, so I had to make sure he knew and was able to accept that I am gay. As things got more serious, I also needed to make sure he would be respectful to my friends. Sophie has been through hell in her transition and she is very sensitive. Vinny and I were discussing friendships and possible visitors, what was allowed, etc. I told him about Sophie and asked if he would have a problem with her. 

This conversation ensued: 

Vinny- “You mean she’s a girl with a dick?” 

Me- “I wouldn’t know; I’ve never seen her naked.” 

Vinny- “Haha, good one. It would be okay, but there would be boundaries.”

Me- “Boundaries?” 

Vinny- “I don’t judge anyone. I don’t mind gay guys as long as they don’t hit on me. So, I just don’t want her hitting on me.” 

Me- “Yeah I feel ya. I don’t mind straight guys as long as they don’t hit on me, either. So, I’m right there with ya. 😉 ” 

*I was trying to make a point there. 

Vinny- “I love lesbians, though! I’m a lesbian! Lol” 

Me- “Haha yeah Sophie is a lesbian, too.” 

 

Sigh. The ignorance is appalling to me. First of all, why is it perfectly acceptable for men to hit on me when I’m gay, but it’s SO unacceptable for a gay man to hit on a straight man? Hypocrisy much? Secondly, a lesbian is defined as a homosexual woman. Homosexual is defined as a person who is sexually attracted to people of their own sex. Why do straight men say they’re lesbians? That makes no sense at all. 

Now, on the topic of gender, why is it so outrageous for someone to feel more masculine or more feminine? Why do men HAVE to be masculine and women HAVE to be feminine? 

As I was typing this, a little girl just asked a man why he is wearing pink. He asked the little girl why she’s wearing pink and she replied “Because I’m a girl.” Even a small child is shocked by someone stepping out of the gender box in such a small way as wearing a pink jacket. This saddens me. 

To assign attributes to such a broad spectrum is to say that no one is an individual. People are not all alike. Not all girls like pink. Not all boys like blue. Not all girls like dolls. Not all boys like action figures. 

Growing up, I hated pink, dolls and dresses. I wore my brother’s clothes and played with cars with him. I didn’t care about my hair or nails. I never wanted to play house with my friends. Hell, I didn’t even know what playing house was. 

As an adult, I like dresses and pale shades of pink. I like doing my hair, nails and makeup. I love wearing heels and being very “girly.” I am quite feminine. But I can be masculine, too. Sometimes I just don’t feel like doing my hair, and I want to lounge around in baggy clothes and drink beer with the guys. I am quite unattractive in that state, but I don’t care in the least.

I don’t think it’s weird for me to sometimes wear heels and other times wear boy’s shoes. No one else thinks it’s weird either. But god forbid a MAN ever want to feel pretty and wear a dress! That is just completely unacceptable. A man has to be just that- a man- no matter what he feels inside. In addition to this concept, it is also completely unacceptable for a woman to want to BE a man. She can dress like one (usually only if she’s pretty, though), but she cannot actually become one. 

People are just not that simple. 

Most people won’t even consider what it would be like to be the opposite sex. They won’t ask themselves “Is there a possibility that I might actually like being a man/woman?” No. If you ask someone that question, they will usually snap NO before their brain has even had time to process it. It’s just too outlandish of a concept. 

Personally, I enjoy being a woman. However, I could enjoy being a man, too. I am not afraid to say that. There are perks to being a woman and perks to being a man. I could enjoy being either. I’m content with being a woman, though, and would never consider a sex change because I don’t feel like I AM male.

Sophie IS female. She feels so strongly inside that she is a woman that she is willing to go through extensive procedures just to be comfortable in her own skin. 

Can you imagine looking in the mirror every day and just feeling sickened by your own reflection? I bet a lot of you can imagine that. Many people feel this way, for many different reasons. A lot of severely obese people are sickened by their reflections to the point that they become willing to undergo all sorts of procedures to lose weight. Society accepts that, though. But if they want a vagina instead of a penis, that’s not okay. There’s something wrong with that. 

 

I still cannot believe that sexual orientation is such a big issue in 2013. It is as big of an issue as interracial marriage once was. 

If two men kissing grosses you out, don’t gawk. Maybe a 70-year-old couple kissing grosses you out. What do you do then? Yell? Throw things? Degrade them? No… That would be horrible. They’re old. You can’t be rude to old people. But being rude to gay people is alright? 

Kids generally don’t want to see their parents kiss, but it happens and it’s not unacceptable. Interracial coupling is widely accepted now. Gays are becoming more accepted. Transgenders are next. 

I have never been able to understand why it is anyone’s business when two consenting adults become a couple. 

I myself am gay, for all intents and purposes. In reality, I just like people and it doesn’t matter what sex they are. I could be attracted to a man, but the likelihood of that happening is so minuscule that I just stick with saying that I’m gay. A man would probably have to be very feminine for me to be physically attracted to him. There are very feminine straight men, but I haven’t met many of them yet. 

 

Now, intercourse… If I were to talk about sex on my blog without holding back, I bet I would get a lot of judgement. I might find out, because I’m ready to stop holding back on anything on my blog. 

So many people judge someone for having sex. Or for not having sex! I was judged for being a virgin until I was 20. I was judged for who I had sex with. I was judged when I’d only had sex with two people. I would be judged for having sex with 20 people. It’s just a lose-lose situation. No matter what you do, if sex is the topic you are doing it wrong! 

I have no judgment in sex. If you’ve slept with 500 people, I don’t care. If you’ve slept with one person, I don’t care. If you’ve never had sex, I don’t care. If you’ve had sex with a man, I don’t care. If you’ve had sex with a woman, I don’t care. If you’ve had sex with several people at the same time while tied up and blindfolded, I don’t care. The only sexual activities that are my concern are my own. And my sexual activities shouldn’t be anyone else’s concern. 

The way I sometimes talk can make me sound like a slut, or a player. But the fact of the matter is, I’m quite inexperienced in sex and I have never cheated on anyone, nor would I ever. I lost my virginity to my friend Alex while I was dating someone else. I was in an open relationship. No one got hurt, cheated on or lied to. Everyone was in the loop, and I have never once felt bad about it. I am currently dating two women. I am not in a relationship with either of them. One of them is in an open relationship with another girl. The other one may or may not be seeing other people. It doesn’t really matter to me because she’s not my girlfriend. I have a friends with benefits relationship with two other women who are getting married soon (I’m sure our benefits will stop when they marry). 

In consenting adult relationships, I don’t think there is a single thing wrong with having sex or experimenting sexually. Everyone is different and our preferences are different. Some people only want the normal, traditional type of relationship. Others want the complete opposite. 

I have been in love, engaged and very ready and willing to settle down with that one person for the rest of my life. That would have been a dream come true, and someday I will fall in love again and plan my future that way. Right now, though, I am not in love and I am enjoying dating these women. They are friends before anything else. They will still be friends when we are no longer dating or having sex. I can easily be monogamous or polygamous. In the end, I know I’ll only love and want to be with one person. That won’t be until I am in love again, though. 

 

Okay, enough of that. I just had to vent some of my thoughts on sex. 

2 thoughts on “Sex

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s