Beautiful Day

I had a beautiful day yesterday!

I got called out of work, which is bad for the paycheck, but I was thrilled. I’d had so many things that I’d wanted to do around the house, and I got to do them because I didn’t have to work.

Our neighbor moved out a couple weeks ago and she left us some pieces of furniture and paintings. April and I haven’t had enough time when we’re both home to move the furniture inside together. We finally found some time to move one piece in, but not set it up. I decided I could slide it on my own once it was inside.

Our kitchen isn’t tiny, but it’s not huge either. We don’t have a lot of counter space. Our neighbor left us a sort of bookcase thing that when turned on its side serves as a portable counter and storage device. I moved it into the kitchen yesterday and filled all the compartments with our packaged foods and kitchen gadgets. I also hung a small shelf on the wall that works nicely as a spice rack. And I hung a picture of New York on the wall.

I secured a beautiful beach scene painting in the bathroom and an abstract tree painting in the foyer. The bathroom painting lights up when the sun shines in because I hung it over the top half of the window. It’s lovely.

I decided to see if I could drag the love seat in by myself, and I discovered that I could! I rearranged the living room.

April and I had been discussing Christmas and our desire to decorate. We’re too tight on money right now to really do anything for the holiday, sadly. I irresponsibly decided to go ahead and take a few bucks over to the thrift store and see if I could find some Christmas decorations anyway. I thought it was also a good time to return the two DVD players that we had purchased that didn’t work with our TV.

When I got there, the owner said he could give me store credit for the DVD players. We had paid $15 for them. I eagerly agreed.

I scoured the store for Christmas decorations and found quite a selection. Most of the things I found were not priced, but the man told me to gather whatever I thought was $15 worth, and then get some more. He said the extra would be to compensate my trouble of having to return three times over a DVD player.

I was elated!

In addition to some wonderful Christmas decor, I also got some decorative pillows for our couches and a gorgeous pair of stilettos. I admittedly love shoes! This pair was priced $30 at Charlotte Russe.
The store clerk also gave me a crate for my bike and some bungee cords to secure it with.

I excitedly went home and decorated the house with the Christmas things I got before April returned from work. It was a wonderful surprise for her. She loved it all.

I was glad that I didn’t have to spend any of my money since I really didn’t have any to spare. Plus, all of the things that I got were worth way more than $15. Those thrift store guys have been so great to me and April since the very first day we moved here.

Our place feels a little bit more like “home” now, and that is a wonderful feeling.

I’m sure all of this was pretty boring to read, haha, but thank you for reading anyway!


Gratitude- 11/18/12

• Coffee- I can’t wait for December, because hot coffee with milk just tastes better around Christmastime.

• My cats- When I wasn’t feeling well yesterday after work, Barrik purred in my face for an hour. Haha. He even licked my face.

• Friendship- April has proven time and time again that she and I will be best friends for life. Erika is such a great friend, and so very much fun to be around. Kay… is amazing. I can’t express my gratitude to her enough.

• Work- I love my job, and even more now with the promotion.

• My coworkers- Some of them have really stepped up to help me in my new position, and I appreciate them so much.

• The government- All faults aside, I have to appreciate the government for the help that I’ve received. I was just approved for food stamps. They even put a rush on mine so I could get them immediately.

• My bike- Two miles to work isn’t much on a bike, but I wouldn’t want to walk it twice a day. I love my bike.

• Autumn- I am absolutely loving this cold weather. I don’t overheat at work anymore, nor on the ride to work.

• Kay- She deserves her own section right now. Kay is always there for me, and she never fails to express her appreciation when I’m there for her.

To Have Someone Care

I haven’t had too many issues with my heart recently. I’ve been feeling pretty good. However, for some reason I had another episode today. I was at work and I got dizzy, then blacked out for a moment. I know that these episodes with my heart are likely stress-induced, for the most part. I’ve been trying to keep myself calm, keep my anxiety low, and not push myself too much physically. Today, it just didn’t work.

I got scared, as I usually do, and I texted Kay. I told her that I blacked out and wasn’t feeling well. She replied immediately, asking if I wanted her to take me to the hospital. I explained it wasn’t that serious. She insisted on coming to get me. She helped me into the car, carried my things, loaded and unloaded my bike, got me home and into bed, and even asked April to keep an eye on me. She texted me less than an hour later to see how I was doing.

She cared. Truly cared. She rushed to my aide. She did everything she could to help me.

Once again she made me feel important.

I remember when I was passing out at work, I’d texted Deven. I told her I was passing out on the sidewalk and couldn’t find a ride home. Deven did nothing. She didn’t care to see if I was okay. She didn’t care to come to the hospital, even when I begged her to. She didn’t think to call April or anyone. It had made me feel truly insignificant in her life. She wasn’t my girlfriend, but she was supposed to be my friend at least.

Kay isn’t my girlfriend, but she made me feel like I mattered. She made me feel like I was the most important thing right then. She had plans this evening, but she was there for me. Luckily I didn’t interfere too much with her plans.

I have the feeling that Kay would do just about anything for me. I don’t know why. I have to be careful what I ask of her because of this. I have to be more aware of her than others. I have to make sure I know she’s not doing too much or giving too much of herself. I have the feeling that she would.

Kay, the Birthday and More

I met this girl recently who just blows my mind. There’s so much more to her than people realize. I know everyone has different levels, but Kay has depth far beyond what you would guess initially meeting her.

The night that I found out about my best friend being taken advantage of, I had texted Kay. I was really upset and I didn’t want to be home or alone. At first, I just asked her if she wanted to hang out. She said she was in bed, but not sleeping. I told her that I kind of just needed a friend and to get out of the house. Her next text simply said that she was on her way.

We went to a restaurant and I bought her a smoothie. We laughed and joked and talked. I wasn’t going to tell her about my best friend’s personal business, but then when I found her crying I had to tell someone. I needed advice. I was so angry and I had to tell that guy something; had to let him know he wasn’t welcome around me or my friend anymore.

I told Kay everything and asked her advice. I’d like to explain the levels of Kay here, and I’m going to try, but I don’t know if I’ll do her justice.

Kay is funny; very, very funny. She and I are always laughing. We had spent the night laughing and joking. Sometimes when she talks, everything comes out backwards or mixed up somehow. It’s hilarious and we just laugh about it.
However, when we started talking about my best friend, without even skipping a beat she said everything perfectly. Her advice was spot on. She offered multiple ideas, each one beautifully spoken. My mind was blown by this new level of her which I’d never seen before.

After that came the birthday plans. Kay cancelled a date in order to spend all of her time helping me make my friend’s birthday perfect. It would have been so stressful without her. She made it fun and she calmed me down when I got stressed. She spent several days coming to my house in the morning and not leaving until late at night. I tried to repay her a bit by helping her study for a test one night.

Kay came to my house early the morning of my friend’s birthday and we decorated the whole place. She helped me blow up balloons, hang banners, write birthday messages on the windows and more. She then had to leave for a morning class. My friend loved the decorations. Kay had helped me pick out a gift, too, which my friend also loved. She helped me make a poster, which was her idea. Then she returned after her class and we all went out to eat and walked around downtown. When I got stressed because my friend seemed to be losing her good mood, Kay said and did exactly the right things and got her all excited again.

We all went to the fair, rode rides and ate greasy fair food. It was a wonderful day and night.

At some point during all this, I asked Kay why she was going above and beyond do help me with this. I asked her if she does this with all of her friends. She said she doesn’t, and that I just seem like a good person who has had a lot of bad stuff happen and she didn’t want this to be something else that went wrong for me. She said I’m trying to do something nice for my friend and we both deserve it to work out.

I didn’t even know what to say. All I could say was thank you.
I didn’t think I’d told her much about myself or my life. I think she is just somewhat intuitive and she picked up on some of it.

In addition to all of that, there are so many little things that she does for me. I don’t know if she realizes that I notice them all, but I do. She opens doors for me, chooses drinks that she knows I like when we’re sharing, gives me first choice with things, and just goes out of her way to make me feel comfortable.

I’m at Kay’s house right now because I texted her late last night. I couldn’t sleep because my neighbors were being very loud. Today is a long, hard and important day at work, and I really needed sleep. Kay came and picked me up so I could get some sleep at her house.

She always there when I need her. I realized this about her that night with my best friend. I had a talk with her about this. I wanted to let her know that I appreciate her and will never take advantage of her kindness. I told her that she can always say no if she needs to. I don’t want her putting my needs above her own. I can tell she’s the type of person to do that. I told her that I will always be here for her, too. This friendship is a two-way street.

I’m sure I’ll blog more about Kay at some point. There is so much to her. She is one person that I cannot fully figure out. This intrigues and confuses me.

Gratitude- 10/17/2012

Another gratitude blog, this time inspired by

She has a great blog, so check it out! 🙂


  • Coffee! It’s finally starting to get cool enough that I’ll be able to have hot coffee again soon.
  • My cats. Sweet little creatures.
  • My magnificent friends!!!
  • This wonderfully cathartic and inspiring blog/site.
  • My jobs. I love working in housekeeping at the hotel, and the elderly woman I help once in a while is just awesome!
  • Autumn. Blessed cool mornings. I can’t even express the peace and joy I feel.
  • The beach. It’s fantastic, day or night, hot or cold.
  • My girl, even if she’s not mine anymore. She’s still one of my best friends and she still adds so much to my life.


This one has to be a short one today. My battery is dying, haha.

Gratitude > Depression

I’m depressed. Plain and simple. Struggling to get out of bed in the morning, struggling to stay awake throughout the day, struggling to do anything productive.

I feel I’m desperately in need of some gratitude and positive reflection in my life right now.

What I’m grateful for and what I love about my life:

I love that my roommate, my neighbor and I take turns making dinner for each other. Jessica will randomly send us a text saying that dinner will be ready soon, or she’ll just show up with two plates of delicious food for us.
The other night, April and I went shopping and got food and dessert. I made sun-dried tomato and basil Alfredo chicken, pasta and fresh steamed peppers and spinach for dinner. April made delicious honey butter rolls. We has Jessica over for dinner and everyone loved it. It was really nice all three of us sharing dinner at our place. We were so full from dinner that we didn’t even get to the cookies and cream ice cream for dessert. April and I had some much later.

I love that the three of us can share clothes. I love that we end up with each others clothes, dishes, movies and random belongings at each others houses and no one is bothered by it. I love the family-like relationship that we all have with each other. We’re like sisters.

I love hearing Jessica’s boys run and play and laugh next door. I love seeing their toys and bikes outside. Children are wonderful. I love sitting on the porch watching the boys and the other neighbor’s little girl race through the neighborhood on their bikes.

I love having trash pickup. I’ve never had it before. I made sure I thanked the garbagemen when I first moved in. It’s a service not to be taken for granted.

I love that I can ride my bike to work. I love my bike. It’s a pretty pale yellow and just the color of it makes me happy. I Aldo get so many compliments on my bike. And another plus is that I’ve actually developed leg muscles now from riding and from my yoga.

I love all of the great people I’ve met and friendships I’ve made. I love that I have a social life. There are good people here and I am grateful to have them in my life.

As always, I love my coffee and am grateful for every cup. Hehe. I can’t wait for winter so I can have hot coffee on a brisk morning.

I love that everyone at work is working with me, being patient and helping me through my medical drama. They’re not making me feel bad about it.

I love and am grateful for my cats, of course. They’re amazing.

That’s it for now. I have to go to work.

Time of My Life

In all of my 25 years of life, I’ve really only had a few good ones. I spent the majority of my life battling bipolar disorder, abuse, pain and loss. Most of my life has been pretty miserable with nothing good standing out in my memory post 1996 when my father died.

Now… Right now, this period of my life, is the best time of my life. I’m so happy, and so fortunate. I have so many amazing people in my life, friends, family (not blood-related). I have a wonderful place to live and a job that I love. I work with good people, live with good people. I have very few concerns and they don’t even really get me down. I’m stable and content. Not just content, but happy. Truly happy.

I love my life.