I’ve been wanting to write about Kay; tell you all about her. Now is the time.
Kay has blown my mind, set my spirit afire, and taught me things that I didn’t know I needed to learn. This is why I’ve fallen for her.
She and I will not be together. I would surely jump at the opportunity, but she has lost friends in the past because attempted relationships with them have failed. Neither one of us want that to happen.
Kay and I have grown so close that we can discuss virtually anything and everything without discomfort. She expresses thoughts, emotions and ideas that I’ve either never thought of or that I’ve never found quite the right words to express myself. Being with her feels like “home.” It feels safe.
God it’s been so long since I’ve felt safe.
Kay has shown me that I’m capable of connecting with someone other than my ex. Even though she and will never date, will never know what could have been between us beyond our friendship, I deeply appreciate everything that we have and everything that she has given me, shown me, and still is giving and showing me.
I don’t know if Kay realizes how much she challenges me. She says sometimes she can’t keep up with my mind, but the truth is that most of the time she pushes the boundaries of my mind, and I like that- a lot.
I also like that we can go out and she can just sing and dance and be real and alive in the moment. She can be silly and so much fun. She makes me laugh harder and more often than anyone else. She also make me think and feel on a level of depth beyond anyone else.
Kay is amazingly gorgeous… She doesn’t even realize how natural her beauty is. She doesn’t need makeup or fancy clothes to enhance her beauty. She can be in sweatpants and a hoodie, no makeup, messed up hair, and she’s still beautiful.
Yesterday, her mother and grandmother took photos of her for the holidays. I expected something different when she said “holiday photos.” I expected her and her family to get together and take photos. That’s not what happened.
Kay spent hours getting dressed up and ready for the photos. She looked amazing. Her mother arrived and they all went outside. Her mother took photos of her in the yard and said that she would photoshop her into holiday family photos.
I literally felt my heart break a little. Photoshop? Really?
If that wasn’t enough, her grandmother and mother kept telling her that her smile was ugly and to smile “for real.” My heart broke again.
Kay can be very silly, which I actually love, but there wasn’t anything wrong with the way she was smiling.
I felt like her family didn’t accept and appreciate her as she is. It hurt me, for her.
Kay is one of those people who has gone through life never fully being appreciated. She has endured much in her life, much more than anyone should, and she is stronger and more beautiful for it. I am so grateful to have met her, to know her, to have her in my life. I look forward to all the moment to come, all of the things she will teach me and reveal to me, all of the little things she does: especially all of those “ugly” smiles, because they’re amazing and I love them.