For nearly a week I have been overly excited about my date tonight. Shanna is coming over and we are going to watch movies and drink and eat and just stay up all night having fun. I have been impatiently waiting for today to arrive. All week I have been looking forward to this.
That was, until my ex fiance, Mel, scared me senseless. Something had happened and I was scared for her safety.
Now, for those of you who don’t know, my ex lives in Australia. We love each other, but we can’t be together, so we have both been dating other people. I guess our relationship is a bit odd in that we admittedly love each other, but still tell each other all about our dates and such. But she is my best friend.
Unfortunately, she’s not just my best friend. She is everything. She is my favorite person; the most important person.
The time difference and distance between us is difficult, even for friendship. I knew something bad was going on, but her phone stopped working and I had to spend hours not knowing if she was okay. The thought of potentially losing her pretty much sent me into hysterics. Losing her would be my absolute greatest fear. It would completely destroy me.
Luckily her phone started working again this morning and she is okay. But the last 24 hours of fear and concern have me not even wanting to go through with my date tonight.
How am I supposed to date and see people when my heart is in Australia with someone I can’t be with? What am I supposed to do? My love for Mel grows stronger every day instead of lessening with time. Time is supposed to heal and strengthen. People are supposed to move on in time. I don’t seem to be able to do that.
It’s been almost a year since we broke up due to the distance and not being able to be together. And I love her more now than I did a year ago, and will love her more still tomorrow.
I’ve tucked her away in a special place in my heart that has allowed me to date other people and call Mel my friend. But things like this pull her out of that place and put her above everything and everyone else, so all I can see or feel or think about is her.
I need to get her back into that place in my heart so I can enjoy my date with someone else tonight… but I don’t want to. All I want is Mel. To talk to her, to hear her voice, see her face, feel her touch.
And to never, ever lose her.