Autumn Changes

This morning I have a beautiful woman sleeping soundly in my bed. Her long red hair spread out across the pillow; her bright blue eyes closed and dreaming. 

 

I’ve been seeing Lexie for over a month. It’s not very long, but we’ve gotten to know each other quite well. I met her online. When we first started talking, I was drawn to her sense of humor and ability to discuss philosophy. On our first date, she brought me tiramisu because she knows it’s my favorite dessert. We slept together on our second date. A month later, she is moving in. 

Clearly, we are moving very fast. We both know and understand the risks of moving so quickly. She wouldn’t actually be moving in right now, but she had to move out of her old place and had nowhere else to go. She has been living with her grandmother since she was a teenager. I don’t want to speak poorly of her family on here, but I will say that it is mentally and emotionally unhealthy for her to continue living with her grandmother at this time and that is why she must move out. 

I ended things with Shanna as soon as I met Lexie because it was obvious that Shanna and I just weren’t clicking, and Lexie and I were great together. Shanna and I are still friends. Mel and I are having trouble with the time difference and each of us dating other people. She is seeing a girl named Chloe. 

I don’t know what will happen between me and Mel. We still love each other; we always will. We can’t be together, so we’re seeing other people whom we both really like. It’s still very hard on us. I have done well saving money, so I am confident that I will have enough money saved to visit her in Australia next year in July. I want to go for her birthday (July 16).  I don’t know if Lexie and I will still be together in a year, or if Mel and Chloe will. I don’t think that either of us should be in a relationship when I visit. 

 

I have been working two jobs for a little while now. My second job is elderly care. I take care of a sweet 92-year-old woman named Jean. That job has become my main source of income, and I love it. I love Jean and I love the work I do there. Some days I work up to 14 hours a day between the two jobs. I was afraid this would happen if I got a second job. I am a workaholic and I have a hard time prioritizing my health and well-being over financial gain. I am admittedly money-obsessed. I would say money is the only thing I hoard. I’m great at saving money; I always have been. I think it’s because I grew up in poverty. I’m not making millions, but I’m making enough to feel secure and not worry about emergencies. 

Speaking of emergencies, my cat got sick recently and I had to take him to the vet. It was the most wonderful feeling to be able to make an appointment and have the funds to treat him immediately. If I had still been living in my old place under my mother, I would have had to just wait out his illness. My mother wouldn’t have thought he was sick enough to even go to the vet. The way I feel about my independence here, especially financial independence, is simply indescribable. Hence my obsession with money and being a workaholic. 

 

I also have another roommate. His name is Brett and he’s a 19-year-old gay boy. I say “boy” because he’s still very much a child. He is not my ideal roommate, but he’s not too bad. 

 

All in all, I am very happy. Life is wonderful right now. Lexie makes me happy. Every other girl I’ve dated since moving here has not officially made it to the “girlfriend” status. I called them my girlfriends sometimes just because it was easier than trying to explain the causal dating thing every time, but Lexie and I are actually official. I asked her to be my girlfriend on June 23rd. 

 

That is all for now. Thank you for reading. 

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Beautiful Day

I had a beautiful day yesterday!

I got called out of work, which is bad for the paycheck, but I was thrilled. I’d had so many things that I’d wanted to do around the house, and I got to do them because I didn’t have to work.

Our neighbor moved out a couple weeks ago and she left us some pieces of furniture and paintings. April and I haven’t had enough time when we’re both home to move the furniture inside together. We finally found some time to move one piece in, but not set it up. I decided I could slide it on my own once it was inside.

Our kitchen isn’t tiny, but it’s not huge either. We don’t have a lot of counter space. Our neighbor left us a sort of bookcase thing that when turned on its side serves as a portable counter and storage device. I moved it into the kitchen yesterday and filled all the compartments with our packaged foods and kitchen gadgets. I also hung a small shelf on the wall that works nicely as a spice rack. And I hung a picture of New York on the wall.

I secured a beautiful beach scene painting in the bathroom and an abstract tree painting in the foyer. The bathroom painting lights up when the sun shines in because I hung it over the top half of the window. It’s lovely.

I decided to see if I could drag the love seat in by myself, and I discovered that I could! I rearranged the living room.

April and I had been discussing Christmas and our desire to decorate. We’re too tight on money right now to really do anything for the holiday, sadly. I irresponsibly decided to go ahead and take a few bucks over to the thrift store and see if I could find some Christmas decorations anyway. I thought it was also a good time to return the two DVD players that we had purchased that didn’t work with our TV.

When I got there, the owner said he could give me store credit for the DVD players. We had paid $15 for them. I eagerly agreed.

I scoured the store for Christmas decorations and found quite a selection. Most of the things I found were not priced, but the man told me to gather whatever I thought was $15 worth, and then get some more. He said the extra would be to compensate my trouble of having to return three times over a DVD player.

I was elated!

In addition to some wonderful Christmas decor, I also got some decorative pillows for our couches and a gorgeous pair of stilettos. I admittedly love shoes! This pair was priced $30 at Charlotte Russe.
The store clerk also gave me a crate for my bike and some bungee cords to secure it with.

I excitedly went home and decorated the house with the Christmas things I got before April returned from work. It was a wonderful surprise for her. She loved it all.

I was glad that I didn’t have to spend any of my money since I really didn’t have any to spare. Plus, all of the things that I got were worth way more than $15. Those thrift store guys have been so great to me and April since the very first day we moved here.

Our place feels a little bit more like “home” now, and that is a wonderful feeling.

I’m sure all of this was pretty boring to read, haha, but thank you for reading anyway!

My Thanksgiving and the Families

My brother came all the way from Maryland to see me for Thanksgiving. That made me very happy. I had such a great time with him. Unfortunately his wife couldn’t make it. I hadn’t seen my brother since January of this year. He arrived on Wednesday and stayed until Friday afternoon.

April’s family arrived Thursday morning. Her older brother showed up drunk with two beers in hand. He was rude and a bit belligerent. Fortunately he sobered up as the day progressed and his good side came out. He clowned around and had everyone laughing. Her little sister was very sweet to me and everyone else, but not very friendly to April. Her mother and younger brother weren’t very friendly to April either.

My mother and stepfather weren’t too bad. My stepfather grabbed one of my cats by the tail at one point, but she was okay. I was enraged, but I vented out of sight of everyone. My mother stole money that someone gave her to give to me, and she didn’t get the desserts that she was supposed to bring, but it was fine. The only embarrassing thing that my mom did was bring out gifts for me that we’re covered in dirt and cobwebs because they’d been in her hoard for months. She waited until most people had left, though.

Now that the bad is out of the way….

I think it all turned out fairly well. The funniest thing that happened was when my stepfather was saying grace. Everyone was standing around the table, heads bowed and eyes closed. I just knew if no one was looking a cat would get into something, so I kept my eyes open. Sure enough, one of my cats jumped onto the table. She wasn’t trying to get into the food; she was just curious. She landed with her front paws on the edge of the cranberry sauce bowl and her back paws on the table. She looked like a question mark. I swept across the room and snatched her up so quickly she squeaked. Everyone laughed.

There’s a movie that I like to watch every November called “Pieces of April.” The main character, April, is the misfit of her family. She hosts Thanksgiving one year and tries so hard to impress her family, but everything goes wrong. I’ve always known that that would be how my first Thanksgiving would go. I was right, and just like in the movie it all worked out.

My turkey was still frozen Thursday morning. I didn’t have a clue how to cook most things. I ended up having to leave my roommate in charge of a couple things and she overcooked them. We didn’t have a table big enough to seat everyone. On and on. But in the end, it really did all work out and it was pretty nice.

It was especially funny that my cat jumped on the table right where the cranberry sauce was because that was the dish I was most proud of. I made it from scratch. I’m sure most of you don’t eat cranberry sauce out of a can, but my family and April’s family had never had real cranberry sauce. My favorite part of the movie “Pieces if April” was when a neighbor asks April if she has cranberry sauce and April drops it out of the can with a loud “shloop.” The neighbor says “Oh no, no honey.” Then she helps her make real cranberry sauce. That really would have been me had I never seen the movie. It would have been a hilarious disaster if my cat had actually jumped “into” the bowl of cranberry sauce. I’m so glad she didn’t!

Two of my friends stopped by to meet my family, which really meant a lot to me. To have friends who will take time out of their own holiday to come to my house for a little while and meet my family was just so wonderful.

I would say my Thanksgiving was stressful, comical and nice. I enjoyed seeing my family, and no one overstayed their welcome. I got to celebrate with my best friends and my relatives. I’m especially glad that my brother came. April even said she was a bit jealous of my relationship with my brother, but not in a bad way. She said my brother is really cool and she’s so happy for me that we’re close enough that he would come all this way just to see me.

Between April and I, I think we epitomize the meaning of “dysfunctional family.” Haha. I also think we pulled off a pretty impressive holiday for what we were working with. We were both proud.

Happy belated Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope everyone’s holiday was wonderful!

This Brisk Morning

The morning is cool, brisk even. I shivered enough to put on long pants for work and a cardigan for the bike ride to work. I can feel the chill bumps all the way down my legs. I like it. I love the cold weather. Brisk mornings make me very happy.

My bike broke down the other day. It feels like owning a car. I had to take it to a repair shop. Twenty-two dollars and one day later, my bike is up and running again. I love my bike, very much. The fact that I can ride it to most places I need to go makes me feel independent.

Independence is such a wonderful thing. I’ve struggled with money, yet kept myself just ahead of the bills. I’ve been working two jobs, which is not as impressive as it sounds, even on the minimally impressive scale that it does, but I feel good about it none-the-less. Not having to ask someone for money (especially my mother) makes me very happy. I love being self-sufficient. I love having everything I need within reach. I love that I can ride my bike to both jobs. I love that I can ride to the grocery store, the ATM, the liquor store, and the cafe where I can access wifi.

I need to find rides to the doctors and a couple other places to get things in order, but then I’ll be good. I’m currently trying to save enough money to buy a moped. If I can do that, I will be set.

I made a couple new friends recently. I’ve been getting to know a guy from work named Rodney. He’s a really cool guy. He’s been through so much in life and he’s accomplished so much. I find myself quite impressed by him the more we talk. He’s not perfect, but no one is. He and I have been enjoying some psychology and philosophy discussions.
The other friend I made is Ali. I met her on the dating site. I really like Ali. She’s awesome, and admittedly quite cute. She has a good sense of humour and a great personality. I kind of like the way she says just little more than she meant to at times. Ali and I are hanging out today after work.

I have plans with Deven on Monday. I’m very excited. It’s our “Art Night.” She’s coming over to work on art with me in the evening. She’s going to spend the night. We haven’t seen each other in too long, so I’m happy to finally get some time with her again.

I’m looking forward to completing some new art pieces to put online. I can’t wait to start my online store and see if I can actually sell anything. Deven and I will probably do that on Tuesday. I’ll put the link on here if we do.

Off to work now.

Disordered Eating

As life gets stressful and I lose control over certain aspects of it, I find myself turning to old habits as a crutch of comfort and familiarity. Lately, my crutch of choice is that old eating disorder. 

I find myself unhappy with what I see when I look at myself, but I know it doesn’t actually have much to do with my appearance. If I weren’t so stressed and depressed, I wouldn’t be unhappy with my appearance. Recognizing this is beneficial in preventing a relapse. 

This is going to sound a bit… mystical, I suppose, but I don’t really mean it that way. It almost seems as though the universe is trying to tell me not to give in to my desires to indulge in old disordered eating habits. Each time I’ve been on that brink, ready to give in and jump off, I’ve been called on to help someone else with an eating disorder. 

In trying to comfort and advise my friends in their eating disorder struggles, I’m forced to consider my own advice. I can’t be the hypocrite who suggests to others ways of managing an eating disorder, then turns around and indulges in one myself. 

It’s funny how these things work out. I now have one friend who I can talk to about the eating disorder issues without fear of lack of understanding or someone having a relapse. 

Life is so good. Everything always works out. 

Time of My Life

In all of my 25 years of life, I’ve really only had a few good ones. I spent the majority of my life battling bipolar disorder, abuse, pain and loss. Most of my life has been pretty miserable with nothing good standing out in my memory post 1996 when my father died.

Now… Right now, this period of my life, is the best time of my life. I’m so happy, and so fortunate. I have so many amazing people in my life, friends, family (not blood-related). I have a wonderful place to live and a job that I love. I work with good people, live with good people. I have very few concerns and they don’t even really get me down. I’m stable and content. Not just content, but happy. Truly happy.

I love my life.

Job Judgement

Work is wonderful!

 

I am so sick of people looking down on me for being a housekeeper at a hotel. I feel no shame in my job at all and I do not appreciate the judgement I’ve received.

I love my job. It is perfect for me. I’m a “clean-freak, very detail-oriented, introverted and socially anxious. Being in the background doing methodic and repetitive work is exactly what I want. So, why all the judgement?

I won’t be a housekeeper forever, but at the moment I am not in school and the only jobs available to me are minimum wage jobs. I chose this job. I wanted to work in housekeeping. I haven’t had a job since 2008 and housekeeping was the one thing I was pretty sure I could do with comfort and enjoyment.

 

My First and Second Day: 

I met the head of housekeeping and the housekeeping staff. They are wonderful people. I trained with someone and she “sang my praises” all day, telling the bosses to keep me. I trained with someone different the next day, and she was even more impressed with my work than the first woman. I’ve been complimented and offered advances already. I’ve been told that I’m “overqualified” and doing great.

I declined their offer to put me on the front desk. That’s not where I want to be. I’m in my element behind the scenes cleaning rooms. If the head of housekeeping is serious about making me her assistant, I will accept. For now, though, I am happy where I am. I’m learning fast and impressing everyone. I’m not bragging, I’m just making my point that my job is what I want and what I’m good at.

 

Judgement: 

This is my life. Not anyone else’s. I believe that people should work where they’re happy and comfortable. I have that. Why would I want to work in a place or position that makes me uncomfortable or anxious just because it’s more “acceptable” in society.

If flipping burgers makes you happy, work at McDonald’s.

If sanitation makes you happy, work as a janitor or trash collector.

If busting your butt cleaning up after people makes you happy, work in housekeeping.

Forget the judgement and do what makes you happy.

I would rather be happy than rich if I had to choose between the two. Right now at this present stage of my life, I have to choose. That’s just life. I don’t have a college degree, nor do I have any special abilities that will take me places naturally in the work field. I’m okay with that. What other choice do I really have? Being miserable and complaining all the time? No thanks!

I come home every day and tell my roommate all about my day. I talk about how great the people are, how the staff is like a family, how I love what I do. I’m happy and I enjoy the hard work.

I have a safe and caring work environment. I got lightheaded at work and the woman I was working with immediately jumped to my aid. She shared her homemade lunch with me (it was delicious, by the way), and made sure I got food at lunch time which the owner of the hotel ordered for the whole staff. I sat with her and her friend and they included me and made sure I didn’t get left behind in anything.

 

The Staff: 

These are good people! I love them. I can tell they are going to be my work family.

I’m surprised by one thing, though. The staff, though no one is racist at all, seem to separate themselves by race. At lunch, all the white people sat at one table and all the black people sat at other tables. My extremely pale white self sat with my new black friends. I absolutely love Michelle and Cathy and I will surely spend my time with them. Nothing against the white people there, I just like Michelle and Cathy better. Gosh that’s rude to say, but I’m just being honest.

I also prefer the black men to the white men. They’re nicer, friendlier, more helpful and considerate. The white men ignore me while the black men talk to me and jump in to help me when I fall behind.

I have never seen race when I look at people. I have no qualms about calling people black or white. I don’t think it’s racist to do so. It’s a description of someone and there’s nothing wrong with it in my opinion. I’m white, very, very white. That’s a fact. I’m not going to be offended by anyone referring to me as such.

When I say that I don’t see race, I’m being literal. I have this problem (if you want to call it that) where I have trouble recognizing people. This includes race. I’ve met several people at work that I couldn’t remember if they were black or white. One woman I thought was white was actually black. Another woman I thought was black was actually white. Oops.

 

 

I love my job, the environment, the actual work, the people, everything. I am happy and I’m even making friends. I’m comfortable and I look forward to work every day. I’m not going to tolerate people judging me.