To Have Someone Care

I haven’t had too many issues with my heart recently. I’ve been feeling pretty good. However, for some reason I had another episode today. I was at work and I got dizzy, then blacked out for a moment. I know that these episodes with my heart are likely stress-induced, for the most part. I’ve been trying to keep myself calm, keep my anxiety low, and not push myself too much physically. Today, it just didn’t work.

I got scared, as I usually do, and I texted Kay. I told her that I blacked out and wasn’t feeling well. She replied immediately, asking if I wanted her to take me to the hospital. I explained it wasn’t that serious. She insisted on coming to get me. She helped me into the car, carried my things, loaded and unloaded my bike, got me home and into bed, and even asked April to keep an eye on me. She texted me less than an hour later to see how I was doing.

She cared. Truly cared. She rushed to my aide. She did everything she could to help me.

Once again she made me feel important.

I remember when I was passing out at work, I’d texted Deven. I told her I was passing out on the sidewalk and couldn’t find a ride home. Deven did nothing. She didn’t care to see if I was okay. She didn’t care to come to the hospital, even when I begged her to. She didn’t think to call April or anyone. It had made me feel truly insignificant in her life. She wasn’t my girlfriend, but she was supposed to be my friend at least.

Kay isn’t my girlfriend, but she made me feel like I mattered. She made me feel like I was the most important thing right then. She had plans this evening, but she was there for me. Luckily I didn’t interfere too much with her plans.

I have the feeling that Kay would do just about anything for me. I don’t know why. I have to be careful what I ask of her because of this. I have to be more aware of her than others. I have to make sure I know she’s not doing too much or giving too much of herself. I have the feeling that she would.

Emergency Room

Optimism doesn’t always set the tone for the day, unfortunately. I was certain on Monday that I would have a good day. The weather was wonderful, I’d woken up with Deven, and I was happy.

I got to work just to find out that I’d mixed up my schedule and wasn’t even supposed to work that day. Michelle ended up needing me anyway, though. I was doing okay through most of the day. I had 15 rooms to clean, but most of them were stay overs, so it would be easy. On room 14 I began to feel lightheaded and disoriented. I told Michelle that I needed to get lunch. I ate lunch and still felt really bad. I was exhausted and felt like I would pass out. I pushed through room 14 and then ran into Michelle and Erika. They’re my managers, basically. They told me to clock out and go home.

I was beat. I didn’t have any energy at all, nor did I have a ride home. I texted Deven to see if she could pick me up, but she couldn’t. I texted April and didn’t reach her. So, I went around the side of the building and lied down on the pavement. Apparently napping on pavement freaks people out.

I don’t know if I passed out or just fell asleep. Michelle and Erika found me. They said I was unresponsive. Michelle called an ambulance and everyone convinced me to go to the hospital.

Five hours later….. I still didn’t get an answer from the doctor. He was so rude and condescending. He said my vitals were fine, my blood sugar and blood pressure were fine, my blood work was fine, etc. However, he showed great interest in my heart. He kept asking me questions about my heart and family history of heart conditions. My father died of a heart attack when I was nine.

Doctor Jerk wouldn’t give me any straight answers about my heart. He was straight about everything else, though, so I think he saw something on the EKG. He told me that he wants to fit me with a 24 hour heart monitor halter. I should be getting that today if all works out.

It’s sad, but I’m actually hoping he finds something wrong with my heart. At least then I’ll have an answer. I’ll know what’s going on and hopefully be able to fix it. I can’t continue crashing every day at work. I almost feel narcoleptic.

On the upside, I felt very loved. Michelle and Erika both went to the hospital with me, followed closely by April and Jessica. Everyone cared. April stayed with me the whole time, of course. At one point I actually had a panic attack. I hyperventilated. It was very embarrassing. I’m not sure what happened. Jessica was very helpful with that, though.

I have wonderful friends and for the first time in my life, I actually have a support system. I feel very blessed.