I am not a party-girl. I don’t enjoy getting hammered. I don’t like wild or crazy anything.
However, I just moved into my new place a week ago and my duplex neighbor invited me and my friend to a “passion party.” My friend worked all night and had so little sleep that she got sick, so she couldn’t make it to the party.
This party was not wild or crazy. It wasn’t loud and obnoxious. It was simply a group of about 10 or so women eating, drinking, hanging out and talking. Since it was a passion party, there was a lot of talk about sex and relationships.
I was the only gay women there. All that talk about men and sex with men, and there I was feeling like an oddball. I’m so shy to begin with. I started off the party with a glass of wine from home just to relax and not be a complete weirdo. I joined the party after my wine kicked in a little, but I was still the one sitting in the corner just observing everyone.
I actually think I did very well. I sat observing for a bit, then got up to make a drink when the hostess offered. Actually I had someone else make it for me. I’d never had tequila before. I introduced myself to people and sipped on the tequila while talking to another young woman who was a little bit of an outsider like me. Her name was Jennifer and she announced from the beginning that she was a nerd; an intelligent, introverted nerd. I really liked her. She was adorable. She opened up with a bit of tequila herself. By the time she finished her glass, she was grinning hugely at people, talking loudly, and excitedly inviting everyone back to the hostess’ house for a Halloween party.
I forced myself to socialize more than usual, be more friendly and outgoing. Again, I think I did well. I also think I hid my tipsiness pretty well. Except for my texting and emailing. I was texting a friend and emailing my girlfriend. My girlfriend could tell right away that I’d been drinking. (Maybe it was my excessive professions of love… )
I don’t introduce myself as a lesbian to everyone I meet, so it actually only came up with a couple people. I received no judgement. I found it difficult and saddening to be the only gay person there and the only one in a long distance relationship. I wanted my girl. I want her every day, and right now.
This is why she broke up with me for a while. It’s not easy at all. Everyone else gets to talk about their partner and the intimacy they share. They get to touch, hug, kiss, hold each other. My girl and I don’t get to have that. Instead, we get silently judged for having a weird online and video relationship; for never having met each other in person; for never having touched each other or gotten to know each other intimately. It’s hard for people to understand how we can love each other without the normal physical bonding rituals. I don’t blame them; it’s hard for me to understand it, too.
It is what it is, though. I will have her in November and we will see then where our relationship will go from here.
I know that I want to be with her. No one else will do. I love her, adore her. She is my everything. I want to attend parties with her by my side, holding my hand. I want to show her off… show everyone how lucky I am. Of everyone in the world, she chose to be with me.
Back to the party…
I loved the variety of people there. Women ranging from 23 to 60 years old. There were young and old mothers, single and partnered women, tall and short women, every shape and size women. They were all beautiful and unique, even the 3 sisters who basically looked alike with their short statures and long blonde hair. Everyone was different.
I didn’t drink too much. I had wine, tequila and vodka. I’m seriously a lightweight, so I was worried that I would get drunk, but I didn’t. I was nervous and worried that I would say or do something stupid. My friend who I was texting said that that just made it all the more fun. I like the way she thinks. I wished I could have invited her to the party. I promised her that I would invite her to a party at my place soon. I was grateful for her texting me through most of the party. She’s another one who I have never actually met in person. Just like all of you reading this now, most of my closest friends have never met me. I’m shy and introverted, but online I am free to let my heart loose on this little white screen. I have time to think about what I want to say instead of fumbling awkwardly over my words. You, right here, know me better than those who know me in person.
The passion party was about sex and toys, but that was really only half of it. I enjoyed all of it, though. The second half was just all of the women sitting around chatting about anything and everything. I got to know my neighbor better, and she got to know me better. She even met one of my cats at the end of the night as he decided to escape and wind around her legs purring.
Living in the woods before here, the only parties I was ever invited to were wild, crazy, excessive alcohol and drug parties. I never went to those. That’s not my scene at all. Now, in my first week of living here, I was invited to 3 different parties, none of which are like the reckless, immature parties I knew in my old town.
I like living here. I like the people. I know I’m going to be happy here.