Autumn Changes

This morning I have a beautiful woman sleeping soundly in my bed. Her long red hair spread out across the pillow; her bright blue eyes closed and dreaming. 


I’ve been seeing Lexie for over a month. It’s not very long, but we’ve gotten to know each other quite well. I met her online. When we first started talking, I was drawn to her sense of humor and ability to discuss philosophy. On our first date, she brought me tiramisu because she knows it’s my favorite dessert. We slept together on our second date. A month later, she is moving in. 

Clearly, we are moving very fast. We both know and understand the risks of moving so quickly. She wouldn’t actually be moving in right now, but she had to move out of her old place and had nowhere else to go. She has been living with her grandmother since she was a teenager. I don’t want to speak poorly of her family on here, but I will say that it is mentally and emotionally unhealthy for her to continue living with her grandmother at this time and that is why she must move out. 

I ended things with Shanna as soon as I met Lexie because it was obvious that Shanna and I just weren’t clicking, and Lexie and I were great together. Shanna and I are still friends. Mel and I are having trouble with the time difference and each of us dating other people. She is seeing a girl named Chloe. 

I don’t know what will happen between me and Mel. We still love each other; we always will. We can’t be together, so we’re seeing other people whom we both really like. It’s still very hard on us. I have done well saving money, so I am confident that I will have enough money saved to visit her in Australia next year in July. I want to go for her birthday (July 16).  I don’t know if Lexie and I will still be together in a year, or if Mel and Chloe will. I don’t think that either of us should be in a relationship when I visit. 


I have been working two jobs for a little while now. My second job is elderly care. I take care of a sweet 92-year-old woman named Jean. That job has become my main source of income, and I love it. I love Jean and I love the work I do there. Some days I work up to 14 hours a day between the two jobs. I was afraid this would happen if I got a second job. I am a workaholic and I have a hard time prioritizing my health and well-being over financial gain. I am admittedly money-obsessed. I would say money is the only thing I hoard. I’m great at saving money; I always have been. I think it’s because I grew up in poverty. I’m not making millions, but I’m making enough to feel secure and not worry about emergencies. 

Speaking of emergencies, my cat got sick recently and I had to take him to the vet. It was the most wonderful feeling to be able to make an appointment and have the funds to treat him immediately. If I had still been living in my old place under my mother, I would have had to just wait out his illness. My mother wouldn’t have thought he was sick enough to even go to the vet. The way I feel about my independence here, especially financial independence, is simply indescribable. Hence my obsession with money and being a workaholic. 


I also have another roommate. His name is Brett and he’s a 19-year-old gay boy. I say “boy” because he’s still very much a child. He is not my ideal roommate, but he’s not too bad. 


All in all, I am very happy. Life is wonderful right now. Lexie makes me happy. Every other girl I’ve dated since moving here has not officially made it to the “girlfriend” status. I called them my girlfriends sometimes just because it was easier than trying to explain the causal dating thing every time, but Lexie and I are actually official. I asked her to be my girlfriend on June 23rd. 


That is all for now. Thank you for reading. 


To Have Someone Care

I haven’t had too many issues with my heart recently. I’ve been feeling pretty good. However, for some reason I had another episode today. I was at work and I got dizzy, then blacked out for a moment. I know that these episodes with my heart are likely stress-induced, for the most part. I’ve been trying to keep myself calm, keep my anxiety low, and not push myself too much physically. Today, it just didn’t work.

I got scared, as I usually do, and I texted Kay. I told her that I blacked out and wasn’t feeling well. She replied immediately, asking if I wanted her to take me to the hospital. I explained it wasn’t that serious. She insisted on coming to get me. She helped me into the car, carried my things, loaded and unloaded my bike, got me home and into bed, and even asked April to keep an eye on me. She texted me less than an hour later to see how I was doing.

She cared. Truly cared. She rushed to my aide. She did everything she could to help me.

Once again she made me feel important.

I remember when I was passing out at work, I’d texted Deven. I told her I was passing out on the sidewalk and couldn’t find a ride home. Deven did nothing. She didn’t care to see if I was okay. She didn’t care to come to the hospital, even when I begged her to. She didn’t think to call April or anyone. It had made me feel truly insignificant in her life. She wasn’t my girlfriend, but she was supposed to be my friend at least.

Kay isn’t my girlfriend, but she made me feel like I mattered. She made me feel like I was the most important thing right then. She had plans this evening, but she was there for me. Luckily I didn’t interfere too much with her plans.

I have the feeling that Kay would do just about anything for me. I don’t know why. I have to be careful what I ask of her because of this. I have to be more aware of her than others. I have to make sure I know she’s not doing too much or giving too much of herself. I have the feeling that she would.

Brief Work Update

I got that promotion at work. I am now officially the assistant head of housekeeping.

I am conflicted about my new position. It was Michelle’s position. She is absolutely enraged. I feel for her and I understand her, more so because she’s bipolar. She has verbally attacked me, the general manager, the head of housekeeping, the owner, and the housekeeper who I work with most often.

Michelle was not doing her job properly. That is why I got the position. I’m told that I am the best housekeeper there. I have to believe that now that I’m checking rooms behind all of the housekeepers.

I am thrilled that in the two days that I’ve had this new position, the two housekeepers who I have been checking behind are already improving and missing less and less. Kathy used to deliberately slack off with the bathrooms because Michelle never properly checked behind her. She knows that I will check properly, so she is now trying harder. I’m proud of her for that. Her rooms are looking so much better.

Michelle is so angry about losing her position that she and I were not scheduled to work together until the end of the week. I feel bad for her, but I also know that had she been doing her job properly she would not have lost it. I did nothing to steal the position from her. Everyone knew that I didn’t “want” her to lose it. However, I have more appreciation and respect for my job and the entire business.

I know I’m stressed and conflicted because I had a dream about it last night. I feel a little more ready for it today. I received no training for this position, but today is my third day and I think I now know what I’m doing. So, I’m going to do my best to release this stress that I’ve been feeling. As for Michelle, I’ll see her on Saturday and hopefully we can work out the personal aspects of it all.

Independence and Work

I know I’ve blogged a little about the joys of my new-found independence, but I feel the need to blog a bit more about it. 


It took so long for me to finally find some independence in my life. My mother, the hoarder, just basically set me up for failure in life. I don’t believe that she meant to. I really don’t think it was intentional. She just was, and still is somewhat, a very selfish person and she didn’t think about how all of her actions and the way she raised me would affect me throughout my life. 

I was never taught money management because my mother wanted to control everything. She used to take some of my money to save for me, but then she would spend it. She would tell me that that she was trying to help me save money, like a bank, but instead of actually helping me set up a bank account, she would just hold onto my money for me. Then it would be gone because she would need or want something and since she had my money, she would spend it. 

Being away from my mother and having control over my own finances has really been beneficial. I have stresses over money and affording everything, but I find that I am so much less stressed without her in my life. Now I know how much money I have and choose where it all goes and what it’s spent on. 

Just after I blogged about getting my bike fixed and not having to ask for rides, my bike broke again. If I believed in jinxes, I would say I jinxed myself, haha. On my way to work, my bike chain fell off and wrapped around my pedal rendering my bike completely immobile. I had to call my neighbor and ask her to pick me up. I called a coworker and asked him to let my boss know what was going on and why I would be late to work. My neighbor helped me get my bike back to the repair shop and they didn’t charge me to fix it. It’s not 100% fixed now, but it will last a little while if I’m careful with it. I get paid this week, so I can take it back to really get it fixed. The men at the repair shop are great about working with people financially, so they said that they will fix it as cheaply as possible for me. The sprocket is bad, so they’re going to get me a used sprocket that’s in good condition. My bike will be just fine soon, and it’s not too bad right now. 

I have the job at the hotel and the job helping take care of the elderly woman, who I would like to call Grandma. She is 92 years old and she just amazes me. I love her so much. The truth is, she may not be around much longer. I know my heart will break when she passes, so I’m grateful every day that I get to spend with her. I’m so very glad that I have this time to get to know her and have her in my life. I was called in to work there yesterday evening just for a little while. Her daughter, Ruthann, is the one who hired me. The person who was supposed to go there yesterday couldn’t go, so she called me. She was a little bit desperate and offered to pay me for a full hour just to come for a little while and help her with a couple things. When I got there, I told her that I don’t care how much she pays me because it’s not about the money. I live right down the street from her, which I love because she call me anytime if she needs something. She paid me for a full hour anyway. 

As far as jobs go, I need the money, but I don’t believe in doing anything for the money. I work at places that make me happy. I do things that I love. Housekeepers at the hotel will work extra hard to make a room look nice because they hope to get a tip. I don’t care about the tips and I don’t count on them. It’s very, very nice when someone does leave a tip, but that is never the reason I work hard to make my rooms look nice. When someone stays at a hotel, they are on vacation. They’re relaxing and having fun. It’s my job to make them feel as comfortable as possible. Hotel rooms are kind of a home away from home for people on vacation. They’re spending extra money to be comfortable and maybe even a little pampered. I enjoy pampering people a bit. When someone comes back from their day at the beach or wherever, I love knowing that they’re coming back to their beds nicely made, towels and coffees restocked, etc. When a guest approaches me and requests something extra, I love being able to give it to them. I love knowing that I’m making their vacation just a little bit nicer. I never, ever do it in hopes that they will tip me. 

Now, when I do get tips, I put that extra money aside or I spend it on something I need. I’m very content with the combination of my paychecks, the money from working for Ruthann, and the occasional tips. I’m hoping to sell some artwork soon and have that money coming in, too. I finally feel like I can make things work on my own. I’m proud of my ability to make and save money; to have that extra for things like my bike breaking down. 

I don’t have it all together yet. I don’t have all of bills (mainly the hospital ones) paid off yet. But I’m getting it all together and I’m doing fairly well for myself. I love this independence. 

Love and Life

Right now, that’s all that’s on my mind- love.

Damn Australia. Why must it be so far away? And so impossible to get in to?

I told Michelle at work about her. She asked me what I’m doing here; why I’m not in Australia with my girl. Good question. I’m here because it’s too damn expensive and complicated to move to another country. Believe me, I would be there if I could.

I asked my girl if things would be different if I were there. Of course they would have been different. Obviously my national limitations aren’t the only reason I’m not with her, but if I could have been there when she needed me, everything would have played out differently.

I guess things work out the way they’re supposed to, but this can’t be all that’s supposed to be. This can’t be the end.

I look forward to the moment where things fall into place and stop hurting, no matter what place that is.

Alright, enough crying about lost love.

Life is still good. I’ve been working for Ruthann, taking care of her mother. They’re such good people.

Yesterday, Ruthann told me that her mother said I was her nicest friend. Haha. So sweet. I think her mother is just wonderful.

Plus, with this second job, I think I might be okay financially. It’ll still be a bit tight, but I’m getting there. I got extra hours at work, and I’m getting paid pretty well working for Ruthann. Not to mention my art. I’m going to set up a shop soon and try to sell my work.

I’m not as stressed or worried lately. Things are going well and I am going strong. My heart hasn’t been as bad lately. I actually think part of my heart problem was literally a broken heart. Heartache is stressful. I’m learning to manage it while at work, though, so things are improving.

As soon as I have an evening off, I’m going to start a new painting. I look forward to uploading it here and sharing it with everyone.

Off to work now.

Gratitude- 10/17/2012

Another gratitude blog, this time inspired by

She has a great blog, so check it out! 🙂


  • Coffee! It’s finally starting to get cool enough that I’ll be able to have hot coffee again soon.
  • My cats. Sweet little creatures.
  • My magnificent friends!!!
  • This wonderfully cathartic and inspiring blog/site.
  • My jobs. I love working in housekeeping at the hotel, and the elderly woman I help once in a while is just awesome!
  • Autumn. Blessed cool mornings. I can’t even express the peace and joy I feel.
  • The beach. It’s fantastic, day or night, hot or cold.
  • My girl, even if she’s not mine anymore. She’s still one of my best friends and she still adds so much to my life.


This one has to be a short one today. My battery is dying, haha.


Yesterday, the head of housekeeping told me that she’s quitting.

I really like her, and I hate to see her go, but I admittedly saw this first and foremost as an opportunity. Is that wrong? I would love to have her position!

For the next couple weeks, I’m going to really buckle down and try to prove myself to the bosses. If I could be head of housekeeping, it would mean more work, more hours and better pay. It would also mean more control. I could actually put into place some of the changes I’d like to see at the hotel. I could eliminate some of the things I see wrong there, and improve the quality of cleanliness in the rooms.

It’s been driving me a bit crazy that I’m the only one who cleans thoroughly. I mean, they clean well enough, but not as thoroughly as I think they should. Certain housekeepers miss specific things that I do every time. Since I’ve had medical issues they’ve been placing me with other people to clean rooms. That’s great, except that I have to go behind whoever I’m working with and clean what they miss.

I had accepted that. What really gets to me is that I catch things that the head of housekeeping misses. She shouldn’t be missing anything. I know I’m a bit OCD, but still.

If I actually manage to get the position, I know the housekeepers are not going to like me. If they think the current head if housekeeping is tough, they definitely won’t like me. Good thing I’m not in it to make friends. The only thing that makes me sad is that Michelle wouldn’t like be anymore. She’s the assistant head of housekeeping and we were sort of becoming friends.

Honestly, I think Michelle would be the first one up for the position. So, it probably depends if she wants the position. I wouldn’t like her as head of housekeeping, but only because she has certain things going on in her life that would make it too hard for her to give that position the time and attention required.

I’m off to work now. I’m going to talk to the owner today if I get the chance, just to see if he’d be willing to consider me for the position.